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27 May 2009 @ 02:59 pm
load it all into the trebuchet and launch it into reseda  
when i was in high school we were forced to spend one quarter of one year in a class called "microcomputers". this is where i learned to type, and there was nothing else to learn. i am pretty sure microsoft word did not yet exist. there was no internet. it was a goddamn typing class and typing is a skill i am grateful to have.

but now i feel extraordinarily ignorant because, despite two degrees, dozens if not hundreds of academic papers, and nine published books, i am fundamentally unable to make the basic software that came with my computer, that i have used dozens of times, behave.

why does it keep changing my formating from times new roman back to times? i don't know!

why the fuck would it ever change double space back to single space? i never requested such a thing, nor would i!

what is with that horrible dashed black bar? i did not put it there! i did not invite it in! the last time i wrote a book it signaled a page break--now it just appears out of nowhere and i cannot make it go away!

and speaking of hyphens, why do some of them turn into one long line and others stay like this -- ?

who cares anyway? my last novel sold 15 copies... and you want to hear something else really funny? every one of them printed without a title page! ha ha ha! copyright, shmopyright!

and this one? who cares if the margins take up most of the page despite the formatting being set so that it is identical to the last book, which looks normal? who cares about the fucking black bars? and who really gives a flying fuck where the flowering stave has got to, what is going on in ereshkigal, or if the food of the dead is brie and triscuits? who cares if my parents are going to read a book i wrote where someone has frogs coming out of their vagina? i'm sure they'll be so distracted by the fucking inexplicable black bars that no one will care!

i am so sick right now, too!

fuck this, i am going grocery shopping! and then to work! hooray!

(this post brought to you by fever, aggravation, indefensible computer ignorance, and over-privilege).
Emiliecoyotesdaughter on May 28th, 2009 02:07 am (UTC)
you WRITE as well?

for the loving sake o' john, woman.
Alouiciousalouicious on May 28th, 2009 03:17 pm (UTC)
and here's how:
1. i do not own a television
2. i do not smoke the pot
3. i always feel like i never get anything done. there are dishes sitting in the sink. there is an entire closet stuffed full of fabric for projects i never get around to and clothes i simply stop wearing rather than mend. my bathroom floor still has no tile and the wall in the shower is cracked and i moved in here seven years ago. there is a big hole in my roof and the baseboards haven't actually been installed in most of the house. my "garden" consists of some dock plants and a pomegranate tree that were both here when i moved in, an unstirred compost pile, and a two-year-old envelope full of seeds sitting on top of a bookshelf, but i can write entire books on my breaks at work, goddamnit!

i do not fear having babies and beginning grad school concurrently.

did i mention that i have sixteen pets? my house does not smell like a litterbox, either.